"im" with carol fairielady today

Carol
Hey Jeannie, how are you doing in this weather? and in general.

5:43pmCarol is offline.

5:46pmJean
oops, hi, Carol!!

5:46pmCarol is online.

5:47pmCarol
Ooops??? you appear and disappear, magic lady!!!

5:47pmJean
Oh you don't know the half of it....

5:48pmCarol
How have you been doing?

5:48pmJean
How are you Carol?
Well, I post most of it somewhere on the net. Just follow the breadcrumb trail I guess.

5:49pmCarol
I'm ok, Thurs. afternoon I decided that somebody put me in one of those globes that you turn upside down and shake and it just keeps snowing, so I made a pot of tea found a book and went back to bed

5:49pmJean
It's all down somewhere in bits and pixels. My mom's all, why don't you call and I am all why the fuck don't you get a facebook account?
I told her, "YOU stare at a screen all day and you can type. Do the math!!"

5:51pmCarol
Why don't they just get off your case, sometimes it is hard to talk on the phone, easier on the computer-- you can think slowerUh oh, still poking at you

5:51pmJean
well, yeah and at the same time she can catch up with what other peeps are up to. It beats murder mysteries, in my book.

5:52pmCarol
besides limited $ means limited time on phone

5:52pmJean
Not like it totally matters to me. I am having fun and not ashamed to be transparent about my life.
It's not like everyone doesn't already know I am crazy. No surprise there.

5:53pmCarol
yes there is that, catching up with others. I sorta like murder mysteries they have a place in life, escapism!!
Yeah, but a gentle crazy not a horrid, mean crazy.

5:54pmJean
I told my mom today that Patty and I were going to barbecue her. She said she'd be mighty slim pickin’s
I said we'd use her little bones for toothpicks.
See, I can do horrid AND mean!!
Patty and I were laughing so hard.

5:56pmCarol
Jeannie- the brighter a person is the more "crazy" so to speak they are,

5:56pmJean
well, there you go. I've blown off my bushel basket, it seems!! Blown my cover!!


5:56pmCarol
what is so horrid about that? She started it :):)

5:57pmJean
who started what?

5:58pmCarol
your mom started poking at you, she should know better after all of these years and especially when she worked with me..DO NOT poke the crazyies

5:58pmJean
She knows we love her. Besides, what choice does she have? 3:)3:)
Yeah, she should know by now. Anyway, I don't actually ever hurt her.

5:59pmCarol
get on facebook or shut up thats the choices

5:59pmJean
…Come THIS close sometimes....but...
well, yeah, she has lots to say. God Knows, LOL


6:00pmCarol
told you you are not a harmful person, just don't like to be stirred up!!

6:00pmJean
It would be fun for her, that's all I am saying and she's all like "OOOOHHH NOOOO!!"

6:01pmCarol
the good thing about fb or phones you can dissconnect...whoops!

6:01pmJean
You'd think I was asking her to pole dance!! HEHEH
She really loves me.

6:01pmCarol
Interesting picture
yes I know she does, I think she just does not want to accept certain things

6:02pmJean
Yeah she'd fucking LOVE to poledance!!
I was doing it at my brothers birthday and she was all piqued

6:03pmCarol
ah haa, next years Christmas gift- a pole

6:03pmJean
and some pasties

6:03pmCarol
why was she piqued? you upstaged her?

6:03pmJean
and a G-string!!

6:03pmCarol
teee heeee

6:04pmJean
I was born upstage
I can't help it.
Her interest was piqued.

6:04pmCarol
Just keep on truckin'!!!!
did you get much snow up there?


6:04pmJean
It's what I do
I don't think so
If we did, I missed it!!

6:05pmCarol
I know, kid what is the choice? We both know if we take ourselves out we will only be back trying to figure out the same old lesson
I have about 21/2 ft here

6:06pmJean
So true. Hence the SAVE button.

6:07pmCarol
wondered what that button was for!!!

6:08pmJean
If you fuck up it brings you right to where you were before you fucked up.
I learned this from playing video games.

6:09pmCarol
aaahhhh sooo!! so we learn from the game people who learned from us

6:10pmJean
It's a feedback loop.

6:11pmCarol
no wonder every body is spinning in circles, we are just some of the few that are not gettin dizzy
how is your new apartment working out?
is it bigger than the old one?

6:12pmJean
well, yes it is like a strange attractor.

6:12pmCarol
meaning?

6:12pmJean
yeah it's bigger and right across the hall from my bff
loopy yet coherent

6:13pmCarol
sounds like it is a winner.


6:13pmJean
So I get to see him way more often. :v:v
win/win all around!!

6:14pmCarol
good

6:16pmJean
<(")<(

6:16pmCarol
still drawing??

6:16pmJean
(^^^)(^^^) OOOh noooo!!! shark attack!!

6:16pmCarol
?

6:17pmJean
a little bit mostly dancing

6:17pmCarol
how did you do that?

6:17pmJean
and ...what?

6:17pmCarol
quick run on water!!!

6:18pmJean
penguins leap onto the nearest ice floe!!!

6:18pmCarol
dance in the winter sraw in the summer?
I mean draw in the summer

6:18pmJean
whew, safe!!
I think dance is on the upswing.

6:18pmCarol
yea, and see where it gets them. safe sometimes!!


6:19pmJean
penguins?

6:19pmCarol
yup

6:19pmJean
dancing penguins?
>:o>:o

6:20pmCarol
we have enough ice out on the river, maybe I will check and see if your dancing penguins are out there!

6:21pmJean
cool!8-|

6:21pmCarol
now you are dancing in circles and you are cross-eyed

6:21pmJean
8-|8-|
too bad we were not on yahoo im there is a cool googly cross-eyed emoticon on there!
Born cross eyed is a grateful dead song

6:22pmCarol
I am going to take off into the kitchen for a cup of tea, broke the coffee pot, alas it has been a long snowstorm. I have to learn about these little face places

6:23pmJean
8-}
ok bye, carol!!

6:24pmCarol
I will catch up with you later, take care and keep dancing!!!!!!

6:24pmJean
:v:v

Eternal love

2/27/10 2:08 PM

Fragment of a conversation with my mother this afternoon:
(Aside from me seriously harassing her for nagging me about not calling her instead of getting onto facebook like I told her to.)

MOM:
“So I heard you were pole-dancing at the party.”

Me:
“I was”

MOM:
“Were you drunk?”

Me:
”You know I wasn’t. You were there.”
You know I don’t need to be drunk to dance.” I can pole-dance stone-sober in a cathedral.”

MOM:
“ Well, you have no soul anyway.”

Me:
“Heart, either.”

ladybabymama
Don't be so mean about poor little Kriss. He is sad because he has no soft woman to hold his hand and cuddle him. So he was crying and Bobby Joe is showing him that it is very fun to be a boy and not need to be with a girl in a mommy/baby sort of way. So bobby is doing a good thing.
It is possible to be friends with females in a more grown up way that is about thinking and talking and studying and sharing ideas and problem solving. That is how it is with my friends and family. Yet we enjoy the sensual and soft and pleasant life as well. Not all the time, but enough. We like adventures and quests and challenges.
So, as always, there is evolution happening all around.. I am going to sleep now, for a bit.

useriscrazyer.helper
I gave him everything I had, and I messed it up. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but yet I refused to listen to myself. I am smarter now because of what I have done and have learned what I have done. Now he does not want to have me come over or anything. It's OVER.

ladybabymama
You are working against your own self.

useriscrazyer.helper
I ENVY Kriss for his girl leaving him, and he now has Bobby to comfort him. I Envy Him.
I am very jealous of him. I wish his girl was here in another room so I could go to her and be with her. Then he would know of my pain and sorrow.

ladybabymama
OK

useriscrazyer.helper
If he really was sad, and if what you said was true, I feel for him now. But I still envy him.
Loser?

ladybabymama
lol

useriscrazyer.helper
that's not funny.

ladybabymama
well, if you think about it a bit ...

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm am a great man, and one day I will have my chance to show everyone who I can be.
I'm just biding my time.

ladybabymama
Well, you have to be great all around, not just in one area.

useriscrazyer.helper
I will be.

ladybabymama
well, you are not being so great right now
why do I bother?

useriscrazyer.helper
A person can only be pushed so far, before he goes in the direction he needs to go in. sometimes it's in the right direction, and sometimes, it's in the wrong direction. I will not be going in the wrong direction, but the ultimate direction, just sitting, learning, and biding my time.

ladybabymama
you could be developing your social skills a bit...

useriscrazyer.helper
I realize I will only live one time, I will make my time well spent here on Earth.
I'm still young, I have plenty of time.
Is that a question? lol

ladybabymama
Yeah moping about Bobby Joe is a great use of your time...I"m sorry

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm not Moping about Bobby, I've learned a great deal of what was of our relationship.

ladybabymama
Maybe you have nothing more to learn from that relationship?

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm going over or reviewing what has or what was.
It was my fault.
I don't have anything else to learn about. It's officially over as of today.

ladybabymama
Sometimes we outgrow things and our inner self makes a way out of it for us.

useriscrazyer.helper
Lucy, Bobby, Karen, and Wade were in the Kitchen, and they talked about us. I was in there, until I couldn't take it anymore. And I left, after I left, they continued talking. There were nice things said, and there were bad things said, etc. etc.

ladybabymama
about you and Bobby?

useriscrazyer.helper
About Me and Bobby.... The Meeting was manifested because of the three fights me and Kriss had, we wanted to make contact with each other, but we never hurt each other, I held my ground, and he held his, he threw punches, and I defended. I was the one who Hated or hates Kriss, but as I wrote in the above texts, I envy Kriss. and in a way, me and him are alike.

ladybabymama
you are.

useriscrazyer.helper
Strong words and speech were exchanged, that's about it, and he threw punches, and I didn't get hurt, I am very proud of myself for being able to stand up for what I thought I was fighting for.
It was about jealousy, loss of love, doing right, and doing wrong, needing others, and very extreme things on a silent level.

ladybabymama
Well if you could get through whatever is bringing up these feelings, you will gain in wisdom. and gain allies. And boost your charisma levels.
Also it is like losing the favor of your father to a lesser being.
the little brother
Believe me I know this one very well.
I have totally been where you are at right now.
When my father died I got nothing, my sisters and brothers did, because they consider me incompetent or something to that effect.
But I have my Inner Treasure.

useriscrazyer.helper
I am smarter now, I am stronger now, than I was yesterday. I have learned much. Bu I fear there is to be much more hardship in life, because I don't know everything, and I have to keep pushing forward to become better.

ladybabymama
There is always hardship but when you gain your soul back, you will be serene and confident in your abilities. Believe me.
And you will never know EVERYTHING but you will be able to find it when you need it.

useriscrazyer.helper
I could do so much with money, money to me, is like GOLD. I will end up getting a high paying job one day, and make much money. But when I do, I feel there will be even an end to that as well, once I get it, I will have nothing else to dream about or reach for. once I get enough money, that it. I will have the clothess I want, the Food I want to eat, The Equipment I need, and the support I need, my life will be complete, ...
ladybabymama
No. It will not. Those things do not satisfy. What you want is true mastery..

useriscrazyer.helper
That's why I am biding my time now. I am waiting.

ladybabymama
If you look at he world around you you will see that money means nothing.
There are things money cannot buy and they are most precious.

useriscrazyer.helper
I understand that. I do. I understand.

ladybabymama
More precious than anything.
Understanding is the beginning of wisdom.

useriscrazyer.helper
I know, it's the thing that I lacked while in the relationship with Bobby, if I had that, I would have known better to be a better person with him, and treated him better.
Money had nothing to do with it. It was within myself.

ladybabymama
well you know it is never too late for anything. Remember we are dwelling in eternity, here.

useriscrazyer.helper
Human Knowledge.

ladybabymama
Which of course begins with Self-knowledge.

useriscrazyer.helper
Know thy self.

ladybabymama
Which is why yo love bobby so. he is a mirror of what you love in yourself.

useriscrazyer.helper
That saying is in a movie called The Matrix. when he went to visit the Oracle there was a sign over his head when he entered her kitchen in the movie, She said to him, do you know what that means, he said what? She says it's latin for Know Thy Self.

ladybabymama
But the more you come to know and love yourself the more mirrors you will have to love.

useriscrazyer.helper
I love Bobby, because he lacks knowledge, he could use some help. So I had seen that, and I helped... He has Changed a lot because of me. A lot.

ladybabymama
It was the sign over the door at the temple of Delphi

useriscrazyer.helper
I've seen a glimpse of it today. but he is still Bobby.

ladybabymama
each person has his own path and it is theirs alone.
Your path is yours alone and Bobby's is his alone.
We walk beside each other for a time, that's all.
And we always meet up again
Some roads go on forever, though.

useriscrazyer.helper
Yes, you are correct, I just looked it up, but I saw what you were talking about, even though I didn't know what you were talking about, I typed The Matrix, Know Thyself in Google, and in the first result it has was your talking about, but like I said, I learned and heard about that, from a Movie called, The Matrix.

ladybabymama
I saw that movie. All movies and books, etc, are reflections of a great Reality.

useriscrazyer.helper
take a glimpse, see ... http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=the+matrix+know+thyself&cts=1266894334408&aq=0&aqi=g1&oq=The+matrix+Know+
Those are my search results, and I clicked on the first result. The Temple Of Delphi is in there too.

ladybabymama
There are many references to classic knowledge in the "Matrix"
that's why they are so popular, the matrix movies.
They resonate with a truth in many ways.
My objection to the Matrix is the idea that there are only two choices, the red pill, or the blue pill. There are other choices.
You don't really know WHO I am do you?

useriscrazyer.helper
GOT IT.
Take a look.
I used Screen Hunter, and I hunted it down in my movie, The Matrix.

ladybabymama
what do I open it with?
I found the wikipedia article...

useriscrazyer.helper
I am going to put it online so you don't have to download it, you can right click it and choose Save image if you want to keep it, but I'm going to put it online, One sec.
Tell me if this works, http://www.mediafire.com/imageview.php?quickkey=u0ljavj5znf&thumb=4
See...?

ladybabymama
Oh yeah, I remember that part. LOL

useriscrazyer.helper
LOL, I'm so cool.

ladybabymama
You really ARE!!

useriscrazyer.helper
or should I say, resourceful.

ladybabymama
See that's why I love you so much you are a good mirror for me.
You are very resource-full!

useriscrazyer.helper
lol

ladybabymama
Baby, you're a rich man!!

useriscrazyer.helper
I am. but I don't have anyone to share it with, you have a mac,
I used to share all my treasures and knowledge with bobby, but....

ladybabymama
Well you can share PC stuff with me and I will share Mac stuff with you.

useriscrazyer.helper
Guess how many movies he has now because of me?
mac and PC are not compatable.

ladybabymama
So, see? yo ubenefitted his life.

useriscrazyer.helper
we can share Images and Pictures, but not software.
unbenefitted?

ladybabymama
Uh, I think it's not as hard as you might think.
No...you benefitted
missed the space bar, there

useriscrazyer.helper
O, benefitted, O I see it now, sorry... I didn't see it, I understand now... Yeah, I did, ...

ladybabymama
Anyway I can scarcely manage the software I already have

useriscrazyer.helper
I gave him software to copy movies, music, and he will NEVER have to buy another piece of media ever again. If someone has it, he can copy it, He is a Copy Cat. lol...

ladybabymama
I can't even figure out how to use flash and I did the tutorials and everything

useriscrazyer.helper
Flash?
What Tutorials did you do?

ladybabymama
Lots of people remember me fondly because I enhanced their lives.
The ones that there were to do. I only got to the third one and I had brainfreeze.
Some stuff is very hard for me to learn even though I want to.
It's frustrating

useriscrazyer.helper
I just hope he tells others of where or who taught him. It's not fucking free to have unlimited media, or to be able to borow a DVD and be able to by pass the CSS Encripted DVDs. He's borrowing Buffy the vampire slayer from #4, and he is able to keep that season of buffy because of the Software I gave him.

ladybabymama
So, asshole, you borrowed it from PIRATE BAY!! LOL

useriscrazyer.helper
I stay away from Flash, I can convert AVI Video Files to Flash, SWF and FLV, I can download YouTube Videos to my comptuer so I may keep them, I can play the SWF and FLV Video files, but I refuse to code and make Flash Content. I can, but don't

ladybabymama
All I want to do is make moving pictures
sigh
my hair smells really nice right now.

useriscrazyer.helper
no, I didn't. I downloaded it from there, they gave me serial number and Cracks to crack the activation process, but I gave it to him, and cracked it for him, so he didn't have to pay for shit. the software I have is 1,000's of dollars, the software he has is only a fraction of what I have, he only has DVD Rippers, DVD makers, CD Rippers, and that's about it, and some custome software I made myself for his games, he presses a button and it cheets for him, it types in the cheat codes and stuff...
MOVING PICTURES?

ladybabymama
uh...pictures which move? and tell a story.
Or dance?

useriscrazyer.helper
Animated GIFS?
Like this.. One sec...

ladybabymama
no, more than that
Remember, I am an artist, not a scientist. I do use science for my art, however.
I mean, the pigments for my oil paints were developed by the alchemists.
The scientific mind produced the guitar I strum when i sing songs.

useriscrazyer.helper
So you want to show people your art work with only showing one box but show all your work one at a time ...? right?
A Picture Slideshow? that would be easier.

ladybabymama
No, take or make elements which move, like in a cartoon?

useriscrazyer.helper
Here, take a look at an Animated GIF. http://www.mediafire.com/imageview.php?quickkey=fzyihtmgtzx&thumb=4

ladybabymama
I can do slideshows already. I have Powerpoint.

useriscrazyer.helper
You want to make cartoons?

ladybabymama
LOL!!!ou ARE a cartoon!! That's so cute!!

useriscrazyer.helper
lol, ...

ladybabymama
I want a camera like that!! that is sooo coool!

useriscrazyer.helper
MediaFire.com

ladybabymama
?

useriscrazyer.helper
Its a Web Cam attched to my computer, I used a Free program called YAW Cam, and I used a $300 program to capture and convert it to GIF.

ladybabymama
yike!!
My head hurts

useriscrazyer.helper
The YAW Cam is the software where I came over to your room that one day, and typed My IP and Port into your web browser to stream my web cam to your computer FREE. Remember, and camtasia studio is a $300 piece of software that can record your computer screen, and produce the video in ANY format.

ladybabymama
I like you better than my family. We are not ducks and maybe not swans. Maybe we are gooses?
My mind is not getting any traction on the camera issue, somehow.

useriscrazyer.helper
So what is it that you want to do, not cartoons right, Moving Pictures of some kind, but I'm not clear on what you want to do exactly.
give me a link of what you saw, and I will tell you if I can help doing it, or not.

ladybabymama
me neither. I never really know ahead of time. I just like learning how things work and playing with them to see what they do?
what I see is in my mind. I don't know how to make that link,which is why I want to learn flash.
does that make ANY sense??

useriscrazyer.helper
yeah, I guess.

ladybabymama
sorry
well at least I can see it in my head. My mom always wants to know what it is like inside my head,.

useriscrazyer.helper
You have what for a Media Player, you have only Quicktime, right?

ladybabymama
windows too, I think
brb gotta poop

useriscrazyer.helper
Windows Media Files, WMV and WMA?

ladybabymama
brb

useriscrazyer.helper
k.

ladybabymama
ahhhh!!
I fucking love shitting

useriscrazyer.helper
Umm, huh...?

ladybabymama
TMI, I know,what ev

useriscrazyer.helper
I like it too, but I don't love it, ...

ladybabymama
I'm looking in my applications.

useriscrazyer.helper
k.

ladybabymama
It feels really good.

useriscrazyer.helper
I know.

ladybabymama
windows media player, vlc and quicktime

useriscrazyer.helper
You have VLC media Player?

ladybabymama
Besides, Most of the people I know aren't that savvy about media stuff and probably only have quicktime.

useriscrazyer.helper
Windows Media Player? HOW? How the hell is that possible, you have a Mac for Gods sake.

ladybabymama
Duh,you installed it on here.

useriscrazyer.helper
I did?

ladybabymama
I have all sores of Windows stuff.
Microsoft office, word, etc.

useriscrazyer.helper
Umm, but it doesn't work, .... right?

ladybabymama
what? It all works
Don't underestimate the power of the mac.
You don't remember installing vlc?
*sigh*
I even have something on here called "Remote Desktop Connection"...

useriscrazyer.helper
lol, .. I guess it's all good, k... that's nice then... but all you need now is some new Movies... I have plenty of them, since I'm not able to visit bobby anymore, On his request, I could treat you. Or maybe you don't really care, and you don't want any movies, ....

ladybabymama
I want to make movies

useriscrazyer.helper
yeah, I know...
What Kind Of Movies Do You Want To Make?

ladybabymama
I will find a way. I lent my brother my camera, too. Porn. LOL
Different kinds

useriscrazyer.helper
PORN !!!!! ???? OMG Lady...

ladybabymama
LOLOLOL
yeah
or music videos

useriscrazyer.helper
You want people to see you naked...? Visit Cam4, it's free. you can broadcast your ass off, and get many many viewers to view your cam. you need a web cam though, which I'd recommend.

ladybabymama
no, I am talking about art. Stories.
I don't need people to see me naked.
I only do that in California.

useriscrazyer.helper
Art...? Stories...? Ok... so you want to turn your Art, and Stories into Movies? That's so damn easy, you said you had Power point, what's stopping you?

ladybabymama
Ok forget it. Powerpoint is not movies it is slideshows
And I want to make up new stories
Forget it I will crawl back under my bed now with my sketchbook and a flashlight.
Better yet I will turn out the lights and watch the movies behind my eyes.

useriscrazyer.helper
Ok.. but that's as far as your going to get if all you want to do is talk and show your art and do stories, your talking about Animating and Drawing Animated Scenes like cartoons on your computer, if all you wanted to do was just show your Art work and tell stories, you could just stick with Power Point or whatever...

ladybabymama
I gave Rami a powerpoint I did

useriscrazyer.helper
Umm, okay...

ladybabymama
Well, you are right. It's just that the stuff in my head moves.

useriscrazyer.helper
how did you give her a powerpoint, lol....

ladybabymama
I printed it out.
On paper.
I have the files

useriscrazyer.helper
YEAY, I GOT Kung Fu Season 1 and 2 Now YEAY... it took me almost 24 hours to get 2 seasons, YEAY... do you know about Kung Fu? with David Carradine?

ladybabymama
duh
yes grasshopper

useriscrazyer.helper
Do you know that he teaches things in the shows, and that it's not just about Fighting?

ladybabymama
double duh
I love that show
It is one of my favorites ever!!
I watched it before you were born. LOL

useriscrazyer.helper
I LOVE THOSE SHOWS, I used to watch them everyday when they were on TV. NOW I HAVE Season 1 AND 2, should I download Season 3, or should I stop and just be thankful for what I have now, ... Season 1 is 1972, and Season 2 is 1973, and season 3 is 1974, I have 1 and 2. YEAY !!!!!! OMG, Thank We The People for 1TB external Hard Drives, AWESOME...
I kinda figured you did...

ladybabymama
As a matter of fact I watched it last winter over at Ben's

useriscrazyer.helper
Only if my computer could output S Video, to my new 27" COLOR TV... It outputs HDMI, so I will be stuck watching them on my 20" LCD Monitor, Oh Well... Until I get that device I want, wanna see what I wanna get, ...?
Cool, ...

ladybabymama
you can't watch on your new tv?
oh well
I use those stories a lot from that show
The stories are the same no matter what you view them on.
And the stories are what counts

useriscrazyer.helper
No because they are in AVI Video File Format, and the only way I could watch them on the TV is to burn them to DVD, but I don't have ANY MORE DVD R's, I burned all them so I'd have some movies to watch on my new DVD player and My new TV, i got from the garbage, it's a very nice tv, it looks brand new, I fixed it, it had NO power cord, and I gave it one, I stoll a cord or cut a cord from another smaller less advanced tv, and gave it to this 27 inch Tv that lets you hook up S video and A/V Composite Video Cords to it... I can not watch cable on it, because it has no hookup for Coaxial cable. I'd have to hook up a VCR to it...
ladybabymama
ah

useriscrazyer.helper
I can watch them. I will watch them.

ladybabymama
good enough, then

useriscrazyer.helper
yep.

ladybabymama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpzgxfqAERg

useriscrazyer.helper
Everyone on there says Fake, why are they saying it's fake, I don't understand the video.
hello?
BUZZ!!!

ladybabymama
??

useriscrazyer.helper
Did you read the comments? did you watch the video, Why are they saying it's fake, the withdrawal from not being able to play World or Warcraft is fake?
I don't understand the video.

ladybabymama
my sister did shit like this to my brother

useriscrazyer.helper
Did what?

ladybabymama
taped him having major hissy fits.
I'm glad no one filmed me!!!
lol

useriscrazyer.helper
lol... it's some crazy stuff, I'm pretty bad too I guess... He's young, ... so it doesn't seem too bad.

ladybabymama
I've had worse fits than this one.

useriscrazyer.helper
lol, I could imagine... I've seen what you do when your told you have mail and there's no mail... lol

ladybabymama
She did this whole fake radio called Alan's rage. The rage was real, but she pretendrd to be a reporter..
oh yeah!!
I got hauled to the slammer for shit like that.

useriscrazyer.helper
I too. It's called the Harbor.

ladybabymama
harbor?
http://allgolden.blogspot.com/2010/02/ladybabymama-dont-be-so-mean-about-poor.html

useriscrazyer.helper
The Harbor. You Eat, Sleep, school, and take meds, get needles if you are out of control, and stay in a concrete room. The Harbor.
Somthing similar to that, is up here, it's called Astor.
Yes, I'm a very very bad little boy.

ladybabymama
Ah, I was lucky. The cops said the bitch desreved what she got.

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm allot different today than I was a long time ago.

ladybabymama
I.m the same, only handle it better. Sometimes. LOL

useriscrazyer.helper
I scratched up my face, I had scratch marks all up and down my face... yes..
Very Disturbing.

ladybabymama
well I know it.

useriscrazyer.helper
I used to write and carve words in my arm. I used to....

ladybabymama
I hit myself a few times but mostly I wanted to hurt other people. Kill them, mostly.
I did bitch slap my mom.

useriscrazyer.helper
I used to hit myself too. I would slam myself into walls and stuff... If i'm capable of harming myself that much, how much pain could I cause to others, MUCH.
I used to hold my head with my hand and act like another person beating myself up.... the kind of shit you see Jim Carrey do in the movie Liar Liar.
Liar Liar wasn't out back then.

ladybabymama
Now I am using my charisma and other magical abilities instead of brute force. It takes less energy.
Yeah, I know. The war of the
selves

useriscrazyer.helper
When I scratched my face up, I was forced to go to school like that. Everyone was very disturbed, and I had to answer many questions of why I did what I did to myself, it's the worse thing I have ever did to myself.

ladybabymama
first I got them to the point where the fighting was strictly verbal.

useriscrazyer.helper
Middle School.

ladybabymama
It's not uncommon, that,
This world encouraged self hatred on the one hand and is horrified by it onthe other hand.

useriscrazyer.helper
It's not normal, it's abnormal that someone would scratch up there face... I am very ashamed of myself for doing something like that to myself....

ladybabymama
Not "normal" but not uncommon. anyway most people punish themselves in other more subtle ways.

useriscrazyer.helper
It's done and over, it's been a while now since then.
I know they do.

ladybabymama
now youre using Bobby Joe to beat yourself up.And Kriss

useriscrazyer.helper
Umm, yeah, I guess, but let me think about that for a min, and I'll tell you if it's true, or if I see that or not..

ladybabymama
It's a thought...
when I love myself, everyone loves me.
when I hate myself I have no friends.
When I love myself I see the good in everyone.
0When I hate myself everyone is trying to fuck me over.

useriscrazyer.helper
How my relationship went with him, I didn't try my hardest, and I refused to do better, and not call him names and stuff. I put him down and I cheated on him. I had somthing really good, and It was too good for me, so I wanted or felt I needed more, I was selfish, ... I was greedy, So I guess me keeping a realization of the fact of what or how the relationship went and ended, is me beating myself up, yep.

ladybabymama
Maybe you did your best.

useriscrazyer.helper
I did my best, but I could do better now. because I've learned from what I've done and the consequences of my actions. but I have indeed or I did Indeed do my best, as far as what I thought or knew at that time. yep.

ladybabymama
You are putting yourself down because of how it went in that relationship.
Maybe you were just being true to yourself.
Maybe you need to be in a relationship with someone who is fine with the truth of you.

useriscrazyer.helper
I guess there's a key concept to realize here, A Person can do therir best, but a person can never be the best, people can never do their best, they will or they can always do better.

ladybabymama
Bobby joe is a drama queen. I'm sorry.

useriscrazyer.helper
He is, it's true.

ladybabymama
But you make yourself out to be the bad guy and to me you are the good guy
I call Bobby Joe "Wormtongue because he poisoned your mind.
I could see it from the begining.
And then there is the concept of "perfect for this purpose" like a hammer for a nail, or a keyboard for a pc etc.
Something that doesn't fit one place may be "perfect" in another
Someday you will see who your true friend is.

meanwhile......
See you're all up in somebody's grill if they don't like you and if they do like you they are retarded or trivial.Oh well,I've done that too.

I am SO over this!! OMG!!

useriscrazyer.helper appears to be offline
He or she will receive your messages after signing in.
ladybabymama
I don't even understand why you'd want to work. But, hey!

"The caterpillar's new cells [after it has built its cocoon] are called 'imaginal cells.' They resonate at a different frequency. They are so totally different from the caterpillar cells that his immune system [that is the immune system of the worm] thinks they [the new imaginal cells] are enemies… and gobbles them up… But these new imaginal cells continue to appear, more and more of them! Pretty soon, the caterpillar's immune system cannot destroy them fast enough. More and more of the imaginal cells survive.
"And then an amazing thing happens! The little tiny lonely imaginal cells start to clump together, into friendly little groups. They all resonate together at the same frequency, passing information from one to another. Then, after a while, another amazing thing happens! The clumps of imaginal cells start to cluster together!… a long string of clumping and clustering imaginal cells, all resonating at the same frequency, all passing information from one to another there inside the chrysalis.

"…Then at some point, the entire long string of imaginal cells suddenly realizes all together that it is Something. Different from the caterpillar. Something New! Something Wonderful! …and in that realization is the shout of the birth of the butterfly!
"Each new butterfly cell can take on a different job. There is something for everyone to do, and everyone is important. And each cell begins to do just that very thing it is most drawn to do. And every other cell encourages it to do just that. A great way to organize a butterfly!"

If a caterpillar/butterfly had a human life span, then its time in the chrysalis would also last for decades. Unlike the caterpillar/butterfly, most human beings cannot afford to retreat into a cocoon while undergoing the metamorphosis. Usually we need to work on metamorphosis while still functioning in the world. To succeed with the transformation we need great perseverance, patience and just the right balance of firmness and gentleness with ourselves.
You are just like me.... you feel the negativity of people's thoughts and it causes a reaction in you and you feel fear or anger or withdraw from their presesnce.
I always was like that and I would run away and live in the woods or just zone out and not pay any attention to any of them, Or I would be sad and cry
And after A while I became angry and Hit people and yelled at them and only felt at peace when I was in the woods. Or in the middle of the night when nobody was awake.
I read books to be able to live in beautiful interesting places. I am an escapist. An escape artist. I live in my own beautiful world.
So where I used to expect tho outside world to comform to my inner world now I am learning to let things BE and just do ME. So now I can say it's all good.
Doing art is good to me because It is like a bridge where I can be in my own world and still be reaching out to the other world.
I have been publishing our conversations. This is the most interesting thing in the universe, what is happening with you and me.
I deal with everything else in the world because I like to have a good relationship with the world around me. I would like you to live in my world.
I told Lucy I love you and that if she kicks you out I'. going with you. But we will have many many friends, you and I.
And thus will be welcome everywhere.
But,, hey!!! You like your life just like it is, so forgive me for suggesting alternatives. LTS
Almost all my friends are pretty girls.
Dancing girls. Oh I forgot you prefer whiny babys.
Oh well. Different strokes for different folks.
Well, spring is almost here.
I don't imagine spending the summer with anyone else.
OK maybe for, like 20 secs for each person.
I mean I am willing to annihilate the rest of the world and substitute servomechs for the humans.
Either way, it's good, but I feel that since the programs already exist why not adapt them.
I think this overlaps the realm of "TRUE WILL"
Erm...I think I am talking to the wrong person. Again!! Oh well, back to my sketchbook....*sigh*..
I don't understand why I even bother with people. I have a great family. That is reall more than enough for me.

Can miles truly separate you from friends?
If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?

(Richard Bach)

I'm thinking of changing the name of tis blog to "useriscrazyer.helper" appears to be offline.

useriscrazyer.helper appears to be offline
He or she will receive your messages after signing in.

ladybabymama
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Whatever gets in the way of the work," wrote
poet Jason Shinder, "is the work." His counsel will serve as a good
reminder for you if you meet with obstacles in the coming days. If you
ever catch yourself thinking, "Damn! I'd be making such good progress if
it weren't for these inconvenient complications," consider the possibility
that the inconvenient complications aren't distractions, but rather crucial
clues; they're not pains in the assets, but medicinal prods that point the
way to the *real* opportunities.
?
So , you think I am crazy, but I am sure that if we join forces, we can accomplish a great deal. There's no real rush. Take your time.
There is no point in taking shortcuts. Slow and steady wins the race.
The words "slow" and "simple" are not insults.
Pay attention to yourself and not to everyone else.
Except me, of course! LOL
I love emoticons
You are not the Pirate King, you are the Prince of Dorkness. D'oh.
OMG, maybe I am really Lisa Simpson?
One Six five yellow blue white. Salamander bat vulture
random generator
I wonder if all this babble goes of into the void and no-one heares it. Oh well, what can I do? Just sit beside the Random Stream on Conciousness and watch it go by, I guess. Nope. I can save it to my blog. LOL

YIM chat of the day

josephchristine_2000
hi jeanie.

ladybabymama
Hey, Christine!! How are you?

josephchristine_2000
at home today my car is in the shop

ladybabymama
Ah!!! Enjoying your day?

josephchristine_2000
not so much. I had a long four day weekend and I want to go to work. Weird, I know

ladybabymama
I was just telling someone the other day about our adventures when I stayed with you in Oakland!
I love to work at nothing all day!!

josephchristine_2000
Oh I miss you very much especially because I am not happy with my sitter and wanted someone I know and trust. Mothering has always been your strength and God knows my two year old is so strong willed.

ladybabymama
I am an expert at that work, and love strong wills. My grandson is strong-willed.

josephchristine_2000
yeah you are. I never understood how you stayed so loving with much challenging people around. I just walk away when the baby frustrates me. It is had to stay loving when someone is shouting NO! at you.

ladybabymama
I spent a lot of time with him on the weekend.

josephchristine_2000
how old is he now

ladybabymama
Yeah, I know. I however possess vast powers of indifference.

josephchristine_2000
ha ha

ladybabymama
Leone is 3 and 3/4, he informs me, holding up three fingers.

josephchristine_2000
love it. mine is two her b-day was in Nov.

ladybabymama
Anyway, I'm used to people shouting NO at me. It is my fate.
Two is a challenge, but three is a bigger challenge. Enjoy this while you can. LOL
Kids are a ephemeral delight. The grow up so fast and proffer infinite bliss and delight while they are kids.
In other words, kids are fun. Kids are an opportunity to re-experience childhood.
I like hanging out with kids because it gives me a perfect excuse to act goofy.

josephchristine_2000
Sweet words. I have to walk away from the computer to awhile .We will talk later.

ladybabymama
OK, Christine!! ttyl

Chat with Roy, part 2

Enough so-called-reality for me for now. I'm going back to the dream.
Nah, I was all over the map today. Letting my fingers do the walking.
Don't worry about Bobby with Chris. Bobby's just passing on the stuff he learned from you. It's good. Chris needs a friend,and Bobby's just doing his job.

useriscrazyer.helper
yeah, ok...

ladybabymama
Don't worry Dude, it's all good.

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm not, ... I'm keeping myself busy with learning and working on stuff, I'll be the smartest person alive before everyone else knows it...

ladybabymama
can we come there? I want Leone to see that game

useriscrazyer.helper
No, because I'm working on a new media player, ....

ladybabymama
All work and no play, etc. Whatever. OK

useriscrazyer.helper
it's better this way. trust me.

ladybabymama
You can trust me too, you know.

useriscrazyer.helper
I know, ttyl.

ladybabymama
OK
You should invite Theo over. He's bi, too

useriscrazyer.helper
Theo, who's Theo...?

ladybabymama
My son. He's out in the hall right now.

useriscrazyer.helper
Why...?

ladybabymama
right outside your door.
How should I know? Friends are good? He's hot? He needs to learn something?

useriscrazyer.helper
He's Hot... LMAO.... Learn what... I don't have time for games.

ladybabymama
Roy, you have nothing BUT time. Time is money.

useriscrazyer.helper
Yeah, you got that right.

ladybabymama
So spend it enjoying life.

useriscrazyer.helper
I don't have freakin money lady.
A Crap full of knowledge and know how, but no damn money.

ladybabymama
What the fuck does money have to do with it?

useriscrazyer.helper
You said, so spend it, enjoy life, I thought you were talking about money.

ladybabymama
Time is money. You and I are RICH!! We have all the time in the world!!

useriscrazyer.helper
You mis-interpeted the message... When your working, you need time to work, and if you lose that time you have working, you will lose the money your trying to earn, TIME ISN'T MONEY, the way your trying to put it, .....
Silly Rabbit, tricks are for kids...
Ok, well I'm sitting down Debugging my application my new Quick Media Player That I just designed and coded, so... It's time for me to have a Cigarette now... I worked pretty hard on it, and I loaded the simpsons on it, and am watching it a little bit while I'm testing the Application out... lol

ladybabymama
You are not getting the picture. The point of life is to enjoy it. It's like the guy who gets mugged. The mugger says "Your money or your life!!"

useriscrazyer.helper
I added a My own Vertical Volume Bar, lol, it looks so cooool...

ladybabymama
The guy says "Take my life. I am saving my money for my old age."
All work and no play makes Roy a dull boy!!

useriscrazyer.helper
Hey, my media player can play almost any video file known to man, because I installed the latest Codec pack for my PC...
K-Lite Codec Pack.

ladybabymama
NVM Just come outside and join the fun.
Get your head outta your ass and take a breather.

useriscrazyer.helper
To do what, watch them play with the helicopter that works because mine didn't, Congrats.
lol...

ladybabymama
It's called sharing.

useriscrazyer.helper
I share all the time...

ladybabymama
It's called just having fun
See? It's OK to share. It's ok to have friends. It's OK just to live without worrying.

useriscrazyer.helper
I share all the time with people, it's called The Pirate Bay, lol

ladybabymama
Anyhow the fucking helicopter is MINE!! I will share with all three of you and you can play nice.

useriscrazyer.helper
I'll build my own Helicopter, tnx.

ladybabymama
No, dopey, sharing in real time and space face to face

useriscrazyer.helper
It is in real time, it's called KB.s.
ladybabymama
Just cut it out. This old "Me against the world" is boring and futile.

useriscrazyer.helper
ya know, Seeding and Leaching.. lol

ladybabymama
Do you have to fight with me all the time? I have a point you know. You are just all aggro.LOL
Lighten up, sunny boy!!

+
useriscrazyer.helper
I'm loose, trust me, I could be a lot worse. I'm just chilling.

ladybabymama
You will chill forever when you're in the grave my boy. Have fun now.

useriscrazyer.helper
I am having fun.

ladybabymama
Join the living.

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm living.

ladybabymama
Belong Be friends.
Fun is good.

useriscrazyer.helper
Be among friends, lol

ladybabymama
yeah!

useriscrazyer.helper
Belong, what the hell is that... lol
Belong Be Bee's... lol

ladybabymama
consider yourself one of us. Consider yourseldf part of the family.
Do be a DO BEE Don't Be a Don't BEE.

useriscrazyer.helper
k.... My Family lives across the river, in florida, and in other states, ....

ladybabymama
Well, you can have another one as well. Sort of a spare family for emergencies when your other one is far away.

useriscrazyer.helper
they don't live here, which is really good. because if they did, I'd probably be in a lot of trouble by now, ...

ladybabymama
Well, you will be fine with us because you are just like us so we will understand you and enjoy who you are. Trust me on this one. I know my people.

useriscrazyer.helper
hey, you don't happen to have a Solderless Breadboard do you, or maybe one of your sons might have one... Do you know what a Solderless Breadboard

ladybabymama
No clue

useriscrazyer.helper
is.

ladybabymama
Never heard of it and neither did Theo.

useriscrazyer.helper
It's for hooking up electronic components without having to solder them to a solder board.

ladybabymama
Come out of there you sill dickhead. All of life is not computers.
silly

useriscrazyer.helper
Electronics. not Comp. Sci.

ladybabymama
WHATever!! Sheesh. Talk about a one-track mind...
Did you ever meet Theo?
Come out, don't be shy.

useriscrazyer.helper
Is valentines day today?

ladybabymama
Yes.

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm shy. I don't like Humans.

ladybabymama
What am I, chopped liver?

useriscrazyer.helper
lol, joking.
IS TODAY VALENTINES DAY?

ladybabymama
you have any aviator glue?

useriscrazyer.helper
Aviator Glue, No, Go Fish.

ladybabymama
Today is VALENTINES DAY!!

useriscrazyer.helper
I thought the 12th was valentines day, wtf...

ladybabymama
Theo thinks it's funny that we are iming when you live just across the hall.
Valentines Day is FEB. 14.
Which is today.

useriscrazyer.helper
Okay, big whoop...

ladybabymama
I went on a Valentines Day date with you this morning to the mall and we played ExZeus and ate ice cream.
In my imagination.

useriscrazyer.helper
where, in your dreams.

ladybabymama
exactly!!!
It was so wonderful!!

useriscrazyer.helper
lmao...

ladybabymama
lmffao

useriscrazyer.helper
keep dreaming, I'd NEVER GO ON A DATE, WITH ANYONE.
Dates are only good for keeping track of the time. lol

ladybabymama
yeah, whatever. Thank god for dreams. Excuse me I am about to give a sword demonstration now.
Dates are good to eat, too.

useriscrazyer.helper
k.... have fun..

ladybabymama
BRB
OK Theo has to fix the sword. It came unwrapped

useriscrazyer.helper
Ooops.

ladybabymama
Me and Leone are playing a game. They are going to leave soon. Then come over.
Mr. Shy
useriscrazyer.helper
k lady, whatever you say.

ladybabymama

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm coming out now, ... I'm gonna say Hi. then I'm going downstairs to smoke a cig...

ladybabymama
Too late, they're gone now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gg5LOd_Zus&NR=1

(Somewhere in here he came over and we had a long talk.)

useriscrazyer.helper
lol...

ladybabymama
here watch it on your high speed
come back whenever you're ready

useriscrazyer.helper
all-righty.

ladybabymama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HItwu7PNdNo&feature=video_response

useriscrazyer.helper
i got it thanx

ladybabymama
the gecko!! in the fish tank!! its so cute

useriscrazyer.helper
cool...

ladybabymama
See? I love this shit. I am SO Fucking RETARDED!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGXiN-_BCts&feature=related

useriscrazyer.helper
I got it thanx

ladybabymama
watch 'em, too
the last one is really good.I never saw it before

useriscrazyer.helper
Good, so watch it.

ladybabymama
I just did. You snotty bitch!

useriscrazyer.helper
Awesome, how was it...

ladybabymama
see for yourself. Hey, I watch all your stuff! It's a give and take here

useriscrazyer.helper
k...

ladybabymama
I'm going to shower now. I am too funky for my own self and that's pretty bad!!

useriscrazyer.helper
yep.

ladybabymama
see you later

useriscrazyer.helper
ttyl.

ladybabymama
http://www.freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main281.shtml

useriscrazyer.helper
k... I'll copy it and save it to my computer I'll take a look at it later. thanx

ladybabymama
I'm guessing that one of the main obstacles is your self-hatred -- your disgust for your foibles and wobbles ... the harsh slurs you inflict on your unripe beauty ... your sneaky tendency to sabotage your exuberance ... the bad excuses you concoct for not treating yourself with crafty kindness all the time.

Realistically, you won't be able to completely purge this bad habit in one masterful swoop. But you can put it on notice. You can launch the crusade that will sooner or later emancipate you from its contamination.
Now say this:

I will never again cast a curse on myself.
I will never again cast a curse on myself

I am sure you will break my heart like everyone else has, but I still love them all, so I won't abandon you. This is a no-brainer.

Transformative energies This influence signifies that you need very intense and powerful experiences today so that you can learn everything possible about the inner workings of the world in general and your life in particular. This is an excellent day for taking up any kind of investigation or study.

Look within yourself to determine what motivates you, what you are seeking in life and what changes you should make so that your life will run more smoothly. The transformative energies in your life now allow you to make changes rather easily and to derive great satisfaction from making them. In your contacts with others you can, if you choose, express yourself forcefully and with considerable impact. This is a good time to make an impression on someone, if you need to, but do not use
this energy for ruthless or selfish purposes.

OK done for tonight.

useriscrazyer.helper
Cool, thanx for the update.

ladybabymama
I'm afraid I am throwing too much stuff at you. I'm sorry. You can pick up whatever you find useful and ignore the rest.

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm sure I'm gonna have to.

ladybabymama
lol

useriscrazyer.helper
lol

ladybabymama
If you save it you can take your time, there's no rush.

useriscrazyer.helper
great, thanx.

ladybabymama
k

More chats

Lately my chat's have been more interesting than anything else; blogging OR browsing, so I am just going to post them instead. Also I might as well put in Yahoo IM chat and facebook "wall to wall" Here goes.

1.)Total transparency: this morning's facebook chat with Ben.

Yesterday
8:01pmBenjamin

8:02pmJean
what is it? music downloads?

8:02pmBenjamin
check this awesome site out.. go there, there’s a chat.. I'll explain

8:11pmJean
going to sketchup now.

8:12pmBenjamin
so good.. I made a model of long house (at omega) you can import all kinds of furniture, windows,doors, trees etc,,,

8:12pmJean
This would work well with "A Pattern Language, I bet

8:13pmBenjamin
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=lf#!/photo.php?pid=10926472&id=611275012

8:13pmJean
omega?

8:13pmBenjamin
yeah.. the staff space down by the parking lot

8:14pmJean
this is terrific

8:14pmBenjamin
it's a fucking mess all the time.

8:14pmJean
lol

8:14pmBenjamin
I sent these pics and a proposal to the head honchos to retool it.
great tool

8:15pmJean
sweet! yeah I can totally get into this. I love designing living space




8:15pmBenjamin
well have fun.. post some stuff if you make anything cool... it doesn't take long to get the hang of it.. watch some vids and mess around a bit.

8:16pmJean
k gonna go eat now <3<3

8:16pmBenjamin
later mom

8:16pmJean
tnx

Today
9:45amBenjamin is offline.
9:59amBenjamin is online.

9:59amBenjamin
did you get sketchup?

10:00amJean
not yet. Right now Alan asked me to make a dance mix for his party. It's gonna ROCK!!

10:00amBenjamin
nice.
you should make a drop of it.
10:00amJean
I really love making dance mixes.

10:00amBenjamin
that way people could get it, or contribute..

10:01amJean
Yeah!! I should. Then I could be, like, a DJ
Yeah that's It. I know I have a lot to share, it's just about making it available.

10:02amBenjamin
right on..

10:02amJean
those pictures of don and trish are scary!!

10:03amBenjamin
how so?

10:03amJean
no wonder Joplin is obsessed with vampires!

10:03amBenjamin
what would make you say that?

10:04amJean
It's in the pictures, the body language, the facial expressions.

10:05amBenjamin
haha! well.. I guess everything is a mirror eh ma!?
everyone interprets the same input differently.

10:05amJean
No. Not everything is a mirror, but I am a mirror.

10:05amBenjamin
I thought it was a sweet photo

10:06amJean
well, yeah you might be right. I am terrified of commitment, so there ya go.

10:07amBenjamin
there ya go..

10:07amJean
I mean why can't you have great depth and understanding and meaning in a relationship without it being a coffin or something?
See, this is where I am at right now.

10:08amBenjamin
I hear ya.

10:08amJean
I'm in love with this dude, yet I love other people too, so what to do about it?
I want freedom and commitment. I want him to know my family and friends and hang out and be a part of my life.
That's not so bad?
OK you're right, that is a lovely picture. I was projecting. I am scared of this thing. Sometimes.

10:10amBenjamin
ha!
work it out ma!!


10:11am Jean
see, you were right. I am working it out. I guess you could say I am engaged, because i am totally into it.

10:12amJean
Yet my former life persists in a cheerful, general sort of way. I foresee this transition as being pleasant and interesting. Assimilation. I feel like Moby Dick. Or more like a baleenwhale sucking up all sorts of plankton. Slurp!!

This picture perfectly encapsulates my relationship with Ben. He drew it, I colored it. He's the duck and I am the swan, or visa/versa.

DUCK: Naturalness, Sense of humor, Conventional,Self Doubts, Self-effacing.
SWAN: Serene, Elegant,
Dignified, Aloof, Inaccessible.

All right; Ben's more the swan, I am the duck. Whatever.


2.)Afternoon tirade on Michelle Tommassi's wall.

Wall to wall with Michelle Tommasi. (actually it's a monologic tirade, but, Hey!)

Today at 1:44pm

Jean Marie Macaluso I will watch the kid whenever you like, but it has to be at my place here. My life is very important to me. I'm glad to share it with the kid, but I need my life. The two ar quite doable.
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Jean Marie Macaluso
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Jean Marie Macaluso GIVE ME THE CHILD OR I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!!! There! How's that? GRRAAAHHH!!
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Jean Marie Macaluso
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Jean Marie Macaluso You are totally pissing me off. You are not enjoying the child.
You need your own life back. I enjoy the child. I appreciate his company.
But I have my own life, too. I don't want to be in someone else's space then I have to be all like,"Stay out of so and so's stuff".
Here he can be all up in my stuff and I can be all ...like, "Drop that pen, kid or I will cut your hands off."
I raised all four of them hellions on my own and the world's a lot safer then than it was back then and I'm a lot fiercer, so he will be totally safe.
Relax, woman, you're stressing everybody out, especially yourself.
See More

Morning monologue with Roy. (He hasn't been answering my chat messages lately. Oh well...

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ladybabymama
http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2009/08/31/swarm-bots-now-with.html
Good morning! Happy Valentines . We should have a date. I want to go to the arcade and play ExZeus,

OK we went, had a lovely time. now we are back. Thanks, that was fun. Maybe we can do it again sometime?
-+
Your attachment to your painful past is preventing you from enjoying the pleasant present and moving on to the ever-so-glorious future.

For the creative person, energy needs to flow into alternate creative time-lines. Conversely, mind parasites prefer energy to remain fixed into stagnant time-lines which generate negative energies they can suck on, like marrow remaining in an old bone. A poor diet feeds these corroded time-lines because their low quality of vibration more readily accepts the low vibratory quality of inferior nourishment.

I'm making a dance mix for my brothers birthday party.

I know my own value and I know yours too, but you don't know your own value, so you have to prove it to yourself. Besides, you can't know my value properly until you know your own. It's a reciprocal function.

I have never used this line before and I will not use it again except on you. "You had me at Hello."

Hey, there, Freddy Kruger! Drag yourself out of your funky old hell hole and come visit me!! Geeze, Loueeze!!

Bring me a fucking cigarette!! I'm all out.

Wake the fuck up you flaming asshole!!

Besides I have a stupid code error and I have no clue what they are talking about and I'm getting pissed off.

Why can't you just help me instead of standing there all smug and superior. OMG you are such an asshole. OMG I am in live with a total ASSHOLE!! What is WRONG with me?

I am in love with a total ASSHOLE!!


What the fuck is WRONG with me?

the error is "Tag is broken: 3. "I have no idea what that means.

Look so I don't know HTML. I know other things so it balances out.

You're coming to my brother's party, right? It's also the opening of their studio, "Free Range Recording" I think you are expected to show up. I wish you'd wake up already and get out of that nightmare existence.

Holy fuck, well, I am sure out of it. I got better things to do. Meet you up there where the path runs straight and high.

Like my new display image? I call it "Home Alone - In the Dark."

Hey how do you do that Buzz thing? that is so cool!!

Good thing I am used to talking to myself otherwise I would be really frustrated over here.

I'll just pretend you are real and we are having a conversation instead of an eternal monologue.

I'm sure you won't mind, right, Roy?

Roy: No problem, lady.

OMG you are a total RETARD!! That's ok, me too, in different ways.

Roy: You got that right, lady.

If we lived, like, by a hot spring, we wouldn't have to worry about soap or shampoo.

Imagine you and me, face to face in a real nice place with no computer, no other people, no clothes.

Roy: I like the no clothes part.

Me too,especially and the part about nothing better to do with our time.

We could just rub our meat together in all sorts of interesting ways.

OK I just totally did that in my imagination except for the real body-feel and taste and smell part, but I did ok on the visuals.

And I am working on the audios. I'm hearing soft whispers, birdsong and the murmur of running water. I hear the breeze sighing in the tops of the pine trees surrounding us.
Now I can smell the pines and that summer smell. That smell that keeps me longing for I-don't-quite-know-what. I know I will recognize it when I am there, and in this dream I am there. You are there too and we look at each other and realize that this is what we came here to do and that everything in each of our past's has served to bring us here. Everything makes sense now and we look back and laugh at our fears.
We get up and run to the water and dive in. We dive off a little bridge which crosses the stream emptying into the lake.
Under the water there are many treasures but we just let them be. We don't need anything.

The phone is ringing right now I am ignoring it. I'd rather be in this dream.

There is no phone.

OH, I am scared that if I leave this world I will die but if I die with you that's OK.

I hate this. I'm between worlds over here. Oh well, I might as well answer the phone.

Anyway, I love this world too and \OMG I just said "Bring me the child or I'll eat your soul" and I meant it.

I was talking about my grandson 'cause they want me to watch him and I said OK if they bring him here. And they're all like "whatever, blah blah blah and I'm all like BRING ME THE CHILD!

The kid is so much fun, The kid is the best toy EVER!! Only I am the one who feels like the toy. The kid is like the driver. I'm the car.

OMG maybe the kid is a fucking parasite! Im a gonna drive my own car, Thanks!!
Fortunately he has his own agenda. There is a nice give and take there. I can putter along and keep up with him, too.

I always get along well with three-year olds. They are fair and balanced, for the most part.
Given an opportunity, they will always tell the truth.

getting game

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ladybabymama
The book has already been written. The outcome is assured. Now we can multiply life by the power of 2.
or 9 or 27 or a brazilian.
or gold
I've been using that "drain life" feature. It is working terrifically and I find my charisma is increasing significantly. It also has a "create minion" option which I find very atrtractive.
And am working on the "friends immune" which actually could be a "distinguish friends" feature.
thinking to add a "increase friend's charisma" to the mix. That would be very useful. Charisma is an underrated attribute. As is spelling. It's impossible to google effectively unless you can spell correctly.
By the way do you know W Y S I W Y G, or wysiwig, as it is more commonly known?
The spiders hate the charisma attribute. They said it was not fair and had it banned. But the duration of the ban is lifting.
I think I shall add an "automatically drain enemy life force", which would operate over long distance and create a protective zone.
I'm an excellent speller. I used to win all the spelling bees as a child. That's a very useful skill.
Oh yeah and I am adding an "attract friend" feature and an "increase friend's skill set" feature. No wonder the guys wouldn't let me use this stuff when we used to play dungeons and dragons.
It's fucking invincible. Why would you even want to vince for fucks sake?

me n da kid

Today me and the grandkid, Leone, who is now 3 and 1/2, tore around the mall like maniacs while his mom, Michelle, shopped. He was going almost top speed, which is a gentle trot for me. We ran all around J.C. Penny's, then went into the mall proper, stopping into whatever shop took his fancy. We ended up, of course, at the arcade while Michelle, who eventually caught up with us, shopped at Old Navy.
I used to take the Kid to the arcade when he was a youngster, just beginning to walk. We'd hang around and play a few games, sit on the motorcycles, talk to people..
Today we got some tokens and played "ExZeus" Which was a whole lotta flying a helicopter and shooting stuff. His hands were too small for the control, so I had to help him out. Ehm...needless to say we didn't do too well but it was so fun.
Three is a wonderful age.

Science!! And a bit of Shadow Dancing!!

Conversation I had with my best friend after watching him play video games which I have already, basically, beaten - only in free online games. OK the graphics are way better on his expensive fucking game, but the tactical strategies are the same. He was like, all angst and aggro toward me so I came back to my room and IM-ed him and this is it:

ladybabymama:
Your forces cannot prevail against The Forces I have at my command. Peace and Love WILL rule the earth. The earth is with us on that issue, and against those who harm her and her children. This includes all life forms, including the microbic sphere, and the weather and the geological processes.Resistance is futile. Just lay back and enjoy the ride!! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Not to mention an ever-increasing number of humans and the heavenly Hosts.
And Time itself is on our side.
By 2012 you will have made your choice. Choose wisely.
We can live without your technology, but your technology can not live without us.
It's just plain silly if you ask me. Why choose suffering when you can choose bliss?? Go ahead and have a fucking miserable life; nasty, brutish and short. Wow, sounds like fun!
Catch you on the next life, if you make it. Good luck!
Maybe you should buy one of those blow up dolls that will just sit there and look pretty and listen respectfully while you go on about how wonderful you are.
Get some goddamned perspective on yourself, man!!
Many are called but few are chosen.
I have good self-esteem which is built on experience and the consensus of my peers because I have proven myself worthy in Many respects. I have earned what I have and believe me, it is more than meets the eye.
I have a portable hole bigger than the Smithsonian and the Museum of Natural History combined.
Throw in the Met, as well!

useriscrazyer.helper
I know there is more to you than what meets most peoples eyes, your not perfect either. were all one big fucked up family

ladybabymama
accept the file. It is a PDF

useriscrazyer.helper
Im just dealing with it the best I know how to.
Tnx.

ladybabymama
There maybe that will fill your needs, oh master.

useriscrazyer.helper
more like master batter, lol..
.
ladybabymama
Yeah you can heat the cunt part in the microwave so it's nice and warm for you.
Mouth too, and probably asshole.

useriscrazyer.helper
K.... so where the fuck am I supposed to get the money for a Silicon female?
Show me where all this money is?
Is there a tree everyone goes to?
draw me a fucking map.

ladybabymama
If that's what you want you will find a way.

useriscrazyer.helper
LOL...
the line... draw me a map, is from a movie, Bad Santa... lol

ladybabymama
The best things in life ARE free, believe me. Because then they have life and spirit.
What can you buy has no life. It is only matter.
I have lived beautifully in places where no money exists and everything is done out of friendship and enjoyment.
The wine is very sweet and leaves no hangover.
And the dragons ARE fun to ride.
I had a dream that every one was looking for my fathers treasure. He came to me and told me that it was hidden inside me.
But it would do no one any good to kill me because my life is the treasure.

useriscrazyer.helper
do you have my lighter?

ladybabymama
oops

useriscrazyer.helper
I need that lady...
tnx.

ladybabymama
Come get it.

useriscrazyer.helper
thank you.

ladybabymama
k

ladybabymama
OMG this is such a great conversation!! Could I copy the whole thing and publish it in my blog?I wonder?
Come on I know you know how to do this shit!! Although I am a genius in my sphere of knowledge, I am a total idiot in this sphere and you, my friend am the genius.
Need I reinvent the wheel?

useriscrazyer.helper
what the hell are you talking about? on a PC it's CTRL + C to copy text...
on a mac, idk..

ladybabymama
Can't nature and technology coexist peacefully and enhance each other? Oh forget it...thx, I'll try that.

useriscrazyer.helper
technology is nature manifested.

ladybabymama
OK you copy it on your computer and send it to me.

useriscrazyer.helper
The Periodic table of elements have an atomic number associated with each element, it shows the number of Protons and Electrons in each Element. Electrons is electricity.

ladybabymama
Exactly, it's what I always say. I for one am a big fan. However the form requires content.

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm not copying anything, ....

ladybabymama
Please, and send it to me? You have no idea how interesting that conversation is. OK don't worry you don't have to work at this, just relax and soak it all in. You should be stoned because I notice your mind works much better then.
OK where did you hid ethe other Rou?
The one I like that is smart and cooperative and fun?
What did you do with him, foul demon?
Ahem, that should be, where did you hide the other Roy?
Unhand him you vicious ghoul!!!

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ladybabymama
whatever, dude

useriscrazyer.helper
I'm hitting the hay stack now, ta ta.
sack.
I think I'm going to retire for the remainder of the night...

ladybabymama
OK I figured out how to copy it and now I am publishing it in my blog.

useriscrazyer.helper
cool.

ladybabymama
This is soooo cool!!!
I might choose a better picture though. A more terrifying one.

useriscrazyer.helper
that's really great, well good luck with that, happy photo hunting.

ladybabymama
Happy hunting whatever it is you are hunting. Your own tail? LOL

useriscrazyer.helper
lol....

ladybabymama

OK nighty-night. Sweet dreams baby boy!!
Show them fucking demons who's BOSS!
Slap them bitches upside they heads!!
I'll admit that you are the most interesting person in the world if you will admit I am.
ROMFFAL !! That's "Rolling on my fat fucking ass laughing"

's so easy on a mac. it's just: highlight, copy , paste.

macs rule, motherfucker?

why worry you know i totally love you, so don't get all gnarly on me, dude!!

I may not be exactly what you want, but you can rely on me. You know that. For a good time call 331-7268. An operator is awaiting your call.

(Why the fuck do I bother, I wonder? maybe no one will ever get me.)
*forlornly curled up in my lonely bed*
... oh wait, Miss Dee is here and so am I so I guess there is a party happening anyway. Wiggles and giggles and jiggles!! Dancing on the ceiling. It beats fending off giant spiders in a gloomy forest!!

I wish you wouldn't get all gnarly and bitter on me. You are so much fun when you are cuddly and sweet!!!

come on I admit I am a bitch. It just comes with the territory. Funnier and way less deadly than them friggin giant spiders., anyway
Maybe just as alarming, however. Come on, work with me. I'm enchanting the demons so they will work in our favor. Work with me here. We are on the same side.
http://allgolden.blogspot.com/2010/02/science.html
Some of the demons may seem like they are part of yourself but this is an illusion. Let them go.
We can't lose each other except in your imagination.
I'll publish this too. Everybody knows how I feel about you except you.
Don't be daft, man?

I am not some feckless humanoid. I am your partner. Duh!!! Hello??
WAKE UP!!!

Make it happen the way you want it to happen. Be a creator, not some friggin billiard ball for God's sake? Why do you think I like you so much to begin with. Use your head.

Sheesh!!
Anyway you are the one who says I am too old, etc. You know that's not the point. You are afraid you can't handle me but I wouldn't have chosen you if I didn't think you could handle it. That shit is harder on me than you can imagine. I am not one to be
asking for trouble, believe me. I am no fool, although simpleminded I can be.

There is a reason for all this and I have ensured that it will be for the good of all creation or I would not have accepted this. I have seen it clearly. Don't worry you are safe. I will let nothing harm you.
Maybe you should try being a bit more simple. It is a gift.

Maybe you think you are nothing, but like Cool Hand Luke says, "Sometime nothing is a good hand to have."
I have mastered the concept "Less is more"
Just right is just right and to me you are just right.
That doesn't mean I won't interact with other people. It means that other people are work. I enjoy my work, but you are not work (unless you get all gnarly) YOU ARE MY REWARD. DON'T YOU GET IT?
You are fun!! Don't turn yourself into work. Then it's not so much fun. Can't we just enjoy ourselves?
I would totally live in a space shuttle or down in a fortress of solitude with you.
I am just used to amusing myself on this planet and I like companionship in that amusement because this world is so rich and interesting and I like to share that.
OY.......OK I am going to sleep now.
(yeah right)
totally would rather be sleeping with you. i am way better than a blow-up doll because I have an imagination.
I can think of lots of fun stuff to do.
My reward is your enjoyment. come on it don't get no better than that.
I know how to play this world game.
Play with me?
Right now I am publishing the sordid details of our intimate lovelife to the public eye. Is that crass of me?
oops, too late, I did it
I told everyone I know That I fucking LOVE YOU!! AAAAGGGGHHH!! Am I talking to a wall? OH MY GOD!!! This is frustrating.
This is what I get for opening my big mouth and sayin what I am really thinking. Oh well, tough shit this is true, so you figure it out. I am tired.

My father was a Nav'i man and I am his son.

I was watching Avatar with my true friend and I realized that I am a Nav'i in a human avatar. It explains everything that has perplexed me about life on this planet. I have never felt right here and have continually felt the need to hide and not shine here.
It also explains my sense of oneness with nature and my ability to converse with the animals and plants. Somehow I have a connection with the life of this planet. It gives me good instincts in my body and soul. The mind is still a bit tricky. There is a vicious program in this realm that ridicules anything that involves the Spirit. Everything serves to distract one from going within to access the spiritual. This voice insists that it's voice is the only authority and that to deviate from it is recipe for failure. It reinforces this through insinuation, suggestions, the media.
But what is happening is that, as souls awaken to their own true nature, the media is being invaded by the new paradigm. The most important ingredient right now is transparency. If one becomes transparent the truth becomes more evident. Tell the truth to yourself and to everyone else. For me the truth is that I am in the right place at the right time in Heaven's grand scheme. All the pieces are finding their rightful places. The recipe for transformation is complete.

bff

The Sisterhood

+Just called my sister, Patty with the ever-so-important insight (to me, anyway) that I am to her: as she is to my father.

>She replied that she was watching something very important on the TV and could I call back in an hour.

> I replied why didn't she get tiVo for God's sake? I would totally forget about in in an hour.

> she said Oh good. Then why don't I blog about it?

>I said something to the effect "Splendid idea!!" so here I am. I asked her if she would read it if I did blog more and she said yes. Well then, so be it.

(*There will be pop quizzes, Miss Macaluso!! I'm joking. Maybe.*)

Anyway I am not really doing anything else right now.

I am bored of escape the room games and tower defense games, of which there are plenty.

I shall perhaps get into zombie-killing games.

I would like to actually do it in real life but that's why I am in my room,

I am a menace to society.

I don't wish to have enemies so I am waiting for them to all go away or die or whatever. Then everyone left on the planet will be my friend and things will be easy.

It's like I told the guy at the crazy-pay office, It's not exactly that I want to die, it's just that I want to be someplace where it's easy for me to be myself.

Which right now is here. I feel perfectly OK to be myself for the first time in what seems like a long time. How do I make it stay like that? I guess just keep doing what I am doing ; so far so good.

I don't really care if you read it, Patty. I won't be offended if you don't. I just need to say it.

So I am giving it up to the great machine in hyperspace who's elves I met in the DMT zone , and later at the gates of hell where they were all like Yo!!Ho you been ? and I was glad to see them. (You can't imagine how much you will wish you could say that.)

Of course I love it at Patty's too.
I guess I am to Patty: as Denise is to me so I must follow the advice I gave to Denise:
>"Take an interest in your own life and appreciate it."

I don't want to be rescued from my fate anymore than Denise wants to be rescued from hers or Patty from hers.

I shall be minding my own business.
Which is way good so I am not complaining.

{Insert appropriate emoticon here> ( )*() (That's supposed to be an asshole.)}

I'm trying to be nasty.

Why do I even bother?

Being nasty, that is.

When I try it just seems funny somehow.


Oh dear I am meandering now, which is reprehensible to the academic mind.

Which is why I am not an academic.

I am a Terpsichorian meander.

(I am imagining people out there thinking, " Oh God she's in there talking to herself in there."

I really am. Very loudly, sometimes.

Groundhog Day 2010

Settling into my 60's - the Age of this Aquarius - and it seems a golden age indeed. I am still basking in the afterglow of my birthday party. It was perfectly lovely. Sam and Trina did a fine prep job. Good food, good music. Lovely people. Singing and dancing. Sweet dreams are made of these.
I am wearing my faded stretch velveteen capris and my blue "Born to Be Wild" tee-shirt, listening to "Caravanserai" by Carlos Santana, sitting in half-lotus on my bed with the keyboard in my lap.
Miss Dee slept on my floor last night after an episode of utter gnarliness. She sure can mess herself up. She was suicidal and about to sign herself into Benedictine when Miss Lucy turned her over to my tender mercies. I told her that since she clearly did not value her life, she should turn it over to me, as I could make good use of it. Then I had her do my dishes and tidy up the kitchen area. she felt better. She just needs to be of use instead of flinging her life away. Why waste it?
I really am not very nice or sweet. I tell the truth as I see it and if a person doesn't like it, so be it.
Now I am listening to Roxy Music doing "Let's Stick Together". Miss Dee is in her pink pajamas tidying up a bit. We are discussing having her get a sewing machine and start making comfortable, luxurious unisex clothes. Who am I kidding? Besides it is not my business, is it?
Sometimes it seems like Miss Dee and I are at cross purposes. I want to be paid to entertain and she wants to be paid to be entertained. I am entertained by myself.
All right, I won't be cynical, but I will feel and think exactly as I think. I know she is basically using me and I am getting nothing out of it. Au contraire. But I ...what is it? Do I just want to be nice? But it makes me less than at perfect peace with myself. When I am truthful am I being arrogant? So what? Whatever. Sometimes she is lucky I don't just kill her and put her out of her misery. But then there would be a big kerfuffle. *Sigh!* What a predicament! I am so wishy washy. My problem is that I can see the situation from many different angles. I can see many paths. So what do I do? Yep. Go with the flow.
I am stressed out and playing tower defense games. On Desktop TD Pro there are two scenarios I cannot beat, the boost level and the all splitters level.
On Bubble Tanks TD I can NOT do level 40, "The Chase" nohow. Oh, eventually, I am sure, but not right now.
I just figured out what the ghostly vibe in Kingston is. This used to be a whore town, Ira informed Deee and I just now. Sheesh! I guess I felt that and was repulsed by it. Am repulsed. Funny, eh? That does explain a lot about the social dynamics in this place. It's a battlefield.
I probably do need a nap. I am irritable.