Giving the old blog another go...rough first draft.

The thing about any piece of Art, whether a painting a dance or a blog entry is knowing where to start. My solution is to just start anywhere. It doesn't really matter.
Just look around and notice where you are. Just look around and notice what you see. Each moment born for you innocently.

There are no mistakes. This is not being graded.
I am sitting here in my little room amidst the clutter of my old journals and sketchbooks, and heaps of artwork: watercolors, oils, colored pencil, crayon (plus new journals and sketchbooks). It is my externalized "baggage".
No one will ever read them until I die because I am so conditioned against Being a Show-off. My mom used to say " Names of fools are like their faces, always seen in public places."
I fantasize about declaring myself dead, then re-birthing myself to a new identity which will then inherit the proceeds from the sale of the former identity's estate. My newer, younger Self can then go out and have a ball without the old Self's crushing weight of guilt shame and fear.
We have already established that I AM a fool, and crazy, too, so I might as well go for it.
I really want to do is trade in my heaps o' "baggage" for an actual home where all my people can come to visit and be treated royally. Is it possible?
It would have to be HUGE, a veritable "Gormenghast". It would be an asylum, as in "refuge" for everyone who felt like they do not belong in this world, that they will never be accepted as they are, etc.
I fantasize about being Death. I consider Death to be the best friend, the one in whose home I shall be eternally welcome, just as I am. And there I can do whatever I please because it is OK with Death. Anyway, what is she/he going to do? Kill me? Or if I myself am being Death, will I kill myself? Nah.
Most of the time I figure I am already dead dwelling in eternity so there is no way I can waste time or make a wrong move.
This takes the pressure off so I can relax and have a good time.
Alas, for the most part, having a good time means chilling in my room, alone, listening to music and engaging in various forms of Art. I find it very easy to be alone. Just me, observing. I run into trouble when I engage in any dialog with other people. I don't want to fall into the rut of giving advice. All I want is just to have the latitude to do as I wish.
It's not that I don't care about other peoples problems, it's just that there is nothing I can do about them.
"I will suppose" wrote Descartes "that some malicious demon of the utmost power and cunning had employed all his energies in order to decieve me." Paranoid bastard!!
I will, instead, suppose that some benevolent deity of utmost power and cunning had employed all her energies to amaze and delight me.
Either way...I know I am real. I'm not too sure about everything else. Life has for quite a while seemed like the last episodes of " The Bob Newhart Show"where things get crazier and crazier until finally he wakes up in the old "Bob Newhart Show" with Susanne Pleshettte and the whole thing had been but a dream.

Answering the May Day call

I posted these three pictures on facebook today. feeling at once the pressure of living " inside the box and the intense bliss of living outside the box.
Then I wrote in my book "May Day! May Day! I want to make a Stand but I feel too wishy washy.
Then:Self-observation:
A.)I am one who likes myself
B.)I take an interest in the world around me.
C.) I am non-judgemental (Indifferent) but not without preferences (apathetic)
D.)I attach myself to the most immediate Joy and pleasure.
E.) I trust myself to make the right choices no matter who disagrees. I alone have to wake up with myself every morning.
F.) In a world of illusion I am the one true thing. On my Self alone can I depend so when my higher Self says "relax," I believe.

The Meaning of Love

Matthew 25: 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,-





Job 31:32 but no stranger had to spend the night in the street, for my door was always open to the traveler--



Isaiah 58:7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?



Ezekiel 18:7 He does not oppress anyone, but returns what he took in pledge for a loan. He does not commit robbery but gives his food to the hungry and provides clothing for the naked.



Romans 12:13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.



Matthew 25:40

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'



Proverbs 14:31 He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.



Matthew 10:42 And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."