Only the Shadow Knows

C.G.Jung said the greatest act of moral courage was to start by withdrawing your own personal shadow from the world.

I prefer to own my shadow; that is, take responsibility for it, explore it and harvest it's gifts.
This morning I was musing on how much energy I've spent trying to be something other than what I really am. This has led to all sorts of kerfuffles and pissed my Self right off. It was like, "well if I can't be my Self, then neither can anyone else." "and "if you don't like me the way I am then I'm outta here.", etc.

As I approach my second Saturn return, I am real clear that my only hope is the full truth about and toward my Self.

This afternoon I was drawn to open one of my bookmarks, "Creativity Portal". One of the contributors to this site was Steve's girlfriend back around New Year 2000 when I was in San Diego. She went camping with us in the Anzo-Borrego Desert. We had a lovely time (got rained out...we had to come back and sit around Steve's fireplace, telling stories and drinking cocoa)

The guys, who had picked me up in Vancouver and brought me to Steve's, headed out and left me stranded there.

Steve didn't want me there. He made me sleep outside in his van (not a problem, but I was having abandonment issues..) He told me, this girlfriend was jealous and wanted me out of there, and he put me in the homeless shelter.

I had a great time in the shelter, needless to say. (I always have a great time once I get over whatever), but that's another story.

Anyway, back to the Creativity Portal....Steve's ex, Jill is the author of a book "The Nine Modern Day Muses (and a Bodyguard): 10 Guides to Creative Inspiration for Artists, Poets, Lovers and Other Mortals Wanting to Live a Dazzling Existence."
(among others she has written.She has a great website, The Muse is In, too)

SO...I emailed her today and asked her if she had indeed had me cast into the homeless shelter, and if so, many heartfelt thanks as it was a wonderful deep, funny, touching experience.
But that's another story.